Time to Fess up :(

Okay loyal readers...I am about to admit to something that I am 100% ashamed of and I know that you will judge me (I would judge me too if I were not in this situation) but at the same time I hope maybe you see my thought process--though wrong-- was really really fucked up...that didn't make sense but oh well here it goes...

I met this guy, lets call him STEVE and Steve and I hit it off. The next time we hung out there was alcoholic beverages involved and thus me and Steve ended up having a nice lil make-out session.
The next time Steve and I met up we went back to my place (NO NOT TO DO THAT) and we just talked...and damn he was a real cool dude...until he asked, "Do you remember me telling you that I have a girlfriend?"
UMM WHAT? NO NO STEVE I DO NOT!
At the time we were holding hands and semi-cuddling so I broke that off and said basically nothing was ever going to happen between us...
Steve then goes on to explain that they have only been dating for 4 months and she is in a state on the east coast, while we are on the west most state...He tries to keep things going but I just try to limit any physical contact but keep talking because there really is no reason to kick this guy out of my house if I am enjoying his company as a friend.
Well time goes by and Steve is texting me and I am really starting to like him but I know it is wrong. But then again I find myself fucking justifying my feelings which was stupid of me. I started saying:
-It's only been 4 months they were together and shes not here
-If he doesn't cheat with me he will with someone else
-I enjoy hanging with him even without any romantic feelings involved
-I"M NOT THE ONE IN A RELATIONSHIP
Ugh I know...I am a failure. but still I go on...
We hang out again and this time I do not tell Steve where I am going, but my friend is friends with his friend so they both end up with us. I don't mind but at the same time I make it clear to him I will not be with him. Every time I mention his gf or the situation he says things like "Now why you gotta go bring her up?" or "There you go again bringing up he gf." Eventually I give in to this dude because he was so exhausting to fight and I yes I will say it, I was too weak to hold me ground :(

We spend the night together but DID NOT HAVE SEX so there was one good thing from that...I mean other things happened but at least that one didn't.
That morning my roommate tells him that shes gonna add him on facebook so she does.

Later on that week I get nosey and look at his profile through hers...he is talking about marrying this chick!! Ugh I feel like an idiot because I convinced myself if wasn't serious.
A few days later the relationship status goes to ENGAGED and I quit texting this fool back...
But he won't stop.
Now I'm trapped, do I try and keep this guy as a friend bc he is a cool friend, or just dump the whole situation....yea I shoulda picked the 2nd option :(

But I don't...I am distant but still responding...and later on we meet up

And yea...the dirty deed was done

FUCK I AM SO DUMB

It's not like I am gonna stand up at his wedding and object...but for some reason ths guy got me doing things I never do!

But after it happened he looks kinda shaken up and leaves very quickly...so I am thinking maybe he grew a conscious and think that it won't happen again

Then he doesn't text me for a while...and his facebook status' are all about the devil tempting him and shit... wtf ever I don't care I'm over him

then he calls me and gets me back in again... he tells me that he is worried I am going to stop hanging out with him. He says that he know's he isn't the best looking guy and he would understand if I was done with him...
NO I FEEL TERRIBLE wtf I was totally fine with our "affair shit" being done but now he tells me he is scared that I am too good for him and is worried I won't talk to him anymore

WELL SHIT. I fucking go and reassure him...

But now I am re-reading shit shit-show of a story I just explained for you all and I realize what a MORON I was...I am done with him.
But I feel bad because he was so worried that I was gonna end it...but shit why am I feeling bad when I am the one who is legit single! :(

....Speaking of Steve, the fucker just texted me...I hafta tell him sooner or later...I hafta lose a friend :(
If he's not gonna do what's right I am before things get deeper
:( I hate hurting people's feelings if I care about them though :(((((

Here goes nothing

---NEXT POST WILL BE HAPPIER I SWEAR HAHA---