Heart's got nothing to do with it

I don't know why people call it heartbroken...
Because in all reality your heart is in your chest, and whether you are in love or hurting your whole body feels it not just your chest.
Maybe because it starts in your chest? But really you laugh and cry and smile on your face. You hold hands or bite your nails with your hands. You play footsie tap your leg with your feet. You play with your partner's hair or twirl your own. And we won't get into the more intimate feelings but you get the idea.

When someone is keeping you up at night it isn't your chest that is up, it's your mind. It is your soul reliving the past not the heart. In a sense, I don't think our heart should have anything to do with love...because telling someone that their heart is broken makes them feel like their body has betrayed them--telling someone that their soul is troubled gives them hope for the next person to come along with a soul jolt :)

I don't wear my heart on my sleeve...I walk into a room and let my aura attract others.

Too lame? Too sentimental? Too naive or confuscious? Deal with it bud

Wow, I just appreciated a little thing in life!

Ok I must be close to dying because I just noticed the beauty in something I never noticed before!
I swear it was like one of those epiphany's you have before you die where you remember that moment and all is okay...weird.
I am just sitting in my front room studying the Gene Expression Model and a heavy wind blows so I look up to see a bunch of leaves fly past my window...mind you I am on the third floor so I found this amazingly beautiful and actually smiled.

WEIRD! haha I am not an artist or a poet or actually anyone who would find beauty in something like this but It Just Happened!

I feel like that weird kid in American Beauty who found the plastic bag floating in the wind beautiful lol

TV ruins the best of them

Khloe Kardashian is by far my favorite celebrity.
I'm not into celebrity gossip much and never really watch reality shows and never ever read those magazines but I do watch Keeping Up With The Kardashians because it reminds me of me and my two sisters.

I always thought Khloe was the funniest and most down to earth. Sure, she's not as pretty as her two other sisters but I personally think she is the most beautiful out of all of them.

I relate to her insecurities and using humor to keep people at a distance. My family even started calling me Khloe for a while because of my dry humor in critical situations ha.

But in all seriousness I am so happy Khloe married Llamar Odom and they do look happy...well as happy as a couple can look on television

but now I see that they are going to have their own television show! I am worried for my girl...I don't want them to end up like the rest of these dopy celebrities who think they are going to make a movie out of their fairytale marriage only to be left with footage of the beginning of the end. (Jessia Simpson & Nick Lacacy or John & Kate Gosslin?)

I hope they make it...

Get Out Of My Head!!

Don't you hate it when the person you want to forget keeps popping up in your head?

I once heard the saying: "If you can't get someone out of your head then maybe they are supposed to be there."

Sometimes this is true but in my case I really hope it's not.

Ran into trouble today when we were deciding where to go out tonight because we have one friend who is 18 while the rest of us are 21 and over.
She can't get in to any of the places we go and we don't want to go to a 18+ place because lets be serious they should be called 18-20year old clubs.
She was asking if we knew any people who could get her past the bouncer, then my other friend said she really really wants to go to this certain bar (she is also under 21).

Welp if I hadn't messed up then Yes he could have gotten both of my friends into this bar because he knows the bouncers....right when I was trying to convince myself I forgot about him my, my mistake came flooding back to me :(

Maybe I'll never forget

Change #1 in life

I deleted my facebook account today.

Granted facebook it genius and instead of delete they make you "deactivate it" which technically puts all the will power on the user.
Right when I sat down at my computer I went to type in facebook; if I had logged in then my account would have reactivated again... convenient right?

I guess no facebook means more blog posts haha

Why did I delete it?
-I'm kinda tired of fake people. Well no that's unfair because I don't know they are fake I guess.
-People use facebook for primarily two reasons to upload pictures showing everyone else what they are doing with their lives and how great life is. and #2 to update their status' to show words and opinions no one really would hear otherwise some no one cares about and others people care about but it would be better if they heard it in person...

Anyways it's been a while since I have done either and I have a lot of "fans" who ask to be my friends and I accept because I don't want to offend the limited number of fans I have but I don't like them looking at my personal things.
I am not the type of person that uses facebook to say things because no one would listen to them otherwise or because there is less judgement from behind a facebook account..

that's what this blog is for hahahaha

New Me :(

I'm going to be honest, when I took that like month or so off of blogging here I didn't forget.
I think I went into depression (?) I'm not trying to be one of the million of pessimistic "I-hate-my-life" bloggers out here so I refused to blog.
Looking past on all my posts I had a lot of spunk, a lot of life, and some funny jokes but every once in a while I had a sad post...ugh sorry but I'm trying to be real so here it is:
For the last few months I can't shake this feeling of like apathy.
I have nothing to be excited about in life really. I have my sport where I am excelling but still I don't feel anything.
Some days I don't look in any mirrors because I feel so ugly. My family can tell something is wrong but I don't want to burden them so I am kinda trying to downplay it but I think they are seeing through it.
Even though I was never really really religious I feel like God has forsaken me even though I know he doesn't do that, but I still feel completely alone.
I go out partying and to movies and shopping, I laugh and have fun but when I go to sleep at night I get back into this dark place.
So many people have worse lives than me but damn what is wrong with me?
Its so lame when I hear people saying they want someone to snuggle with and to wake up next to but I think I do feel like this now. I always say I don't want kids and I don't want to get married but I don't want to feel alone like I have been.
I know I run away from anyone who shows affection for me and it's my own fault so now once I decide to change and be open I feel like it's too late, no one wants me now that I want someone.

Karma's a bitch and she just slapped me

Updatesssss

Ok Sorry for the sabbatical I went on...semi-depression lol but I'm over it..
Updates since I last posted.
Love Life= No new fellas, I did however erase the number from my phone of the guy I keep telling myself not to call (yay me)
Social Life= going broke bc it's spring break and we are over 21 haha

Tonight= I'm going out to D&B's with a lot of friends...should be fun, I have a cute new outfit I want to wear even though spring break is giving me a beer belly :(
Maybe something (someone?) will happen tonight to give me a fun post later!