Phew Glad that's over

Ok so for my loyal followers....all 3 of you (doubtful any of you three are reading this haha) you have seen my occasional lonely regretful post. Welp let me tell you that all that is OVER! Me crying over a lost love? Yea we just reconnected and let me tell you I made the right decision ending things.
I truly thought I didn't for about 6 months but now I see that I was just missing SOMEONE not missing HIM.
I don't know if he was trying to get back at me for ending things but he was borderline arrogant with hints of wanting me back.
Either way I am done with him and men in general...if I end up being a spinster who disappears every now and then to go on crazy adventures then that is A-okay with me :)

Those were yesterday's feelings...

I wish I knew if he would take me back...
I wonder if he still thinks about us
I feel he does but I don't have the balls to find out for sure :(
I made the biggest mistake of my young life and he tried to stop me...
On lonely nights like these I feel like the biggest IDIOT

Time goes by a lot slower when you miss the one you love.

Watch this without smiling. NOT POSSIBLE

Cheers me up every time :)

“The road to truth is long, and lined the entire way with annoying bastards.”

My best friend annoys the crap outta me sometimes.

Is that normal? It might be because we are so comfortable with each other...whatever.

But last night we took some shots together and were just talking and she pretty much fell asleep on me :( so I left and she freaked out because she thought I was mad at her

I ended up running into my other friend and went to his party and it was an EPIC night...maybe because I wasn't with her? because we do go to all parties together but I like going alone :)

Oh and then later I was using her computer and she had been looking up "Broken Friendship" quotes. Not being rude but I am her only friend sooooo yea. She needs to chill out

Stressballs!

Here are my stressballs that when combined with PMSing hormones = tears. But the waterworks are over and I am good to go!
1. Life after college...will I be happy with my job?
2. College now...am I taking the right classes? Will I pass?
3. Softball...Should I practice more or study more?
4. My body...am I eating too little and working out too much or should I work out more.
5. My roommate...I am convinced she doesn't like me so I don't care anymore :)
6. Home...yea yea I miss it and my family :(
7. Romance...when will this dry spell be over :/

Ok enough feeling sorry for me
put a smile on aka fake it till you make it

All Moved in

I arrived on Friday and now it is Sunday. All my shit is unpacked and now I am just waiting for class to start.
My choice to not live with any of my friends is so far turning out to be an okay move. Trus, I would be a lot more comfortable and maybe happier if my close friends were my roommates but I think I am making new friends now. Out of the 3 roommates I have I like Amanda the most. She is a transfer and doesn't really know anyone so she is super friendly and nice. Pua is my other roommate and from what I can tell she is very friendly but I don't run into her much. Now Jessi is the one whom I am actually sharing a bedroom with and so far she is the loudest of us but I guess that is better than not talking at all. So roommates = success.
School = sucks
I seriously felt like crying when I drove up to school and I don't know why! I didn't really bond with my family while at home but I felt myself missing them so much. I didn't really do much while I was home but I missed the freedom. I like being on my own but I don't like the fact that no one is looking out for me. FOR CRYING OUT LOUD it is my 3rd year! Shouldn't these feeling be gone by now? ugh I don't know. Hopefully the partying will start up so I can get my mind off of these things....

Packing Sucks

One would think that by my Junior year in college I would know how to pack.

On the contrary I have gotten worse.

I have 2 check in bags (both over the weight limit)

I have two monster carry-ons

I am screwed.

My new roommates are going to see someone with far too much shit that they don't want to be sharing a room with.

Sucks for themmmmmmmmmm

Proposing

Every girl (maybe every guy) has thought about that moment. What it will be like, what we would feel. The moment when someone says that they want to spend every moment of forever with you...or in realistic terms...someone who can tolerate more than any other attractive suitor. (haha sorry just sayin)
Anyways almost every couple I know that have gotten engaged it has not been much of a shock to the 'proposee.' For instance my roommate told me for at least 6 months that she would be getting engaged over Christmas Break (her boo had told her) so it was not much of a surprise. My 2nd roommate got engaged last spring and to be honest I has figured she was already engaged to this guy but I guess it just got "official." ps if you see a reaccurring theme yes, if you want to get engaged you should probably be my roommate
My parents same story, different setting--I'll spare you the details anyways back to my point (I swear I have one)
I always thought that when I got engaged it would be all lovey dovey and I would be so excited and we both would be unable to control our smiles and giggles all he way home. But now I have a different scene that might be better. Take a look at this clip.........................................like play it before you keep reading...............
Ok, did you see the look of shock. Now I'm thinking that this kind of proposal might be more realistic than a stereotypical ditzy celebration. It's REAL. Yes this is from a fictional tv show but it got me thinking that when that moment comes for me I want it to be so shockingly right. I don't want to see it coming but when it comes I want to be shocked into speechlessness at the fact that this great man choose me despite all my flaws. I don't want to be shocked that it could be wrong I want to be shocked that it could be RIGHT.

yea, strange-might be getting too ahead of myself but just saw the re-run and thought I'd share. Ok now I gotta go pack for year 3 of college uuugghhhh I hate packing!

Lady Gaga's Monster Ball

INITIAL REACTION TO LADY GAGA: I loooove her music!
SECONDARY REACTION: This Bitch is Crazy! (once again love it)
A LITTLE LATER: ummm She might be one of those 'Im different solely for the sake of being different' people.
AFTER THAT: I don't care! She's different and interesting and makes good music.

AFTER THE CONCERT: She is a funny, nice revolutionary woman.

wtf? Did I just say that about this psycho woman? haha yes and here is why...
1st- Her opening act has been playing with her ever since 2006 when they played in a bar with 12--yes 12-- people watching. She brings them to open her world tour even though they are not famous so to speak...I honestly found myself wanting to buy their CD not for the music but because they just entertained me and seemed fun and genuine.

2nd- The Gaga brought her roommate from like early 2000 to be a dancer for her. Now that is friendship. Oh, did I mention that her roommate is a black drag queen? Yes well these two woman must have made quite the disturbance back in the day.

3rd-Obviously her music was epic and (even though it has been well documented) the fact that she is not the best dancer didn't matter because we could tell that she was giving us 100% the whole time, and that is not normally something that a fan notices.

4th- She took the time to talk to us. Not like the whole "I LOVE SAN JOSE" and "I LOVE MY FANS" BS but she really talked. She made it a point to say that her fans are al the people who don't belong and she "locked the f*cking doors to keep everyone else out." Not once did she put down "normal people" she directed her anger towards people who inhibited others and who put down others. One thing she said that made my night was this: "I hope that you do not walk out of here tonight loving me more. I hope you walk out of here loving yourself more." wow. A celebrity that cares more about her fans loving themselves than her own fame. Class act.

5th- She really was quite funny. In her talk someone threw up some underwear (clearly a bigger man's pair) and she put them on and did her next number in them. She tried to make a point to pick up all the things thrown on the stage and say something about them, knowing that it would make one of her fan's night.

FINALLY- TO the outside eye Lady Gaga has fans that are LGBT and otherwise freaks. She is the one person that they can all rally behind to say "yes we can be great the way we are." But last night I realized that this wasn't because she was simply one of them. It was because she really sees the beauty in every single person and it rubbed off on every one of us lucky to be in attendance. As I was dancing in the dark I would look over and see some large girl dressed very boldly dancing horribly and my initial reaction was to mentally judge her but I stopped.
I saw the beauty in someone being herself and later on my drive home saw the beauty in myself. Just because I am not gay or "a freak" doesn't mean I can't feel alone. And last night I realized this Even though I am not sure who I am I can still love myself I may be weird for having Lady Gaga bring about this realization but aren't we all a little weird :)

Don't lie, you ARE weird.

1st Date

Just got back from my date with Marcus. I like him. A lot :)

Piercings

I got my nose pierced.

I really like it.

It gives me personality lol

Next summer I will get my lip pierced (just a stud not a ring)--summer 2011 btw

I am trying to talk myself out of it because I really don't want to look like one of those people with hella piercings

But so far I am failing

Give me a good reason NOT to pierce my lip lol

"I FEEL EVERYTHING!"

OMG as I sit here and write this I am currently on 3 Vicodin...and still in pain!! What the hell?
Why am I in pain? Lets blame it on my retarded pedicurist. I have had a redness on my toe for a while--and when I say for a while I mean like 4 years. I have not been in pain at all and really it didn't bother me.
The other day I went to get a pedicure. This psycho lady decides to dig in and I walk out of there with an ingrown toenail!! I just went to get it removed so I didn't have to go through my season with an painful toenail. Weeeelllll my doctor decides to give me my pain shots on the lower part of my toe. ONLY TO GO AND CUT UP THE TOP OF MY TOE aka where I could feel everything!! Think of having your lower part of your big toe numb, like around the knuckle. Now think of someone jamming a metal knife down your toenail and dis-connecting it from the nail bed!
ME: "I feel that."
DR: "Can you handle it?"
ME: "Umm I guess."
Dr: *Cuts in*
ME: "I FEEL EVERYTHING"
DR: It's almost over
ME: *grabbing my leg and burrowing my head into the wall to keep from yelling*

NOT AN EXPERIENCE YOU EVER WANT TO GO THROUGH.
THE MAN WON.

and now my prescription Vicodin is tearing up my liver :)

bad day lol real bad day

I can't say I care about your kids

Did I miss the memo that 98% of people with a blog are writing about their kids? Just sayin, not judging.

"Within you, I lose myself. Without you, I find myself wanting to be lost again.

Ever made a mistake you wished you could fix...and you CAN fix, you know how to fix it...but you wont? I never did, and thought it was stupid--If you know how to fix your mistake then just do it idiot! right? wrong. I am too afraid to...coward would be a better word :(

I let him get away--worse I SENT him away. Everything I ever wanted in a man and I was too scared to let myself realize it! All I have to do is call him and tell him I made a mistake. I figure there is a 50% chance of him taking me back. Better to try now and fail then wonder the rest of my life. But I cant, and you want to know why? Because I don't trust myself to not run away again and I cant--I wont-- play with his feelings like that. He really deserves better than me.
I hope he finds better than me.
But it will kill me when he does...