New Me :(

I'm going to be honest, when I took that like month or so off of blogging here I didn't forget.
I think I went into depression (?) I'm not trying to be one of the million of pessimistic "I-hate-my-life" bloggers out here so I refused to blog.
Looking past on all my posts I had a lot of spunk, a lot of life, and some funny jokes but every once in a while I had a sad post...ugh sorry but I'm trying to be real so here it is:
For the last few months I can't shake this feeling of like apathy.
I have nothing to be excited about in life really. I have my sport where I am excelling but still I don't feel anything.
Some days I don't look in any mirrors because I feel so ugly. My family can tell something is wrong but I don't want to burden them so I am kinda trying to downplay it but I think they are seeing through it.
Even though I was never really really religious I feel like God has forsaken me even though I know he doesn't do that, but I still feel completely alone.
I go out partying and to movies and shopping, I laugh and have fun but when I go to sleep at night I get back into this dark place.
So many people have worse lives than me but damn what is wrong with me?
Its so lame when I hear people saying they want someone to snuggle with and to wake up next to but I think I do feel like this now. I always say I don't want kids and I don't want to get married but I don't want to feel alone like I have been.
I know I run away from anyone who shows affection for me and it's my own fault so now once I decide to change and be open I feel like it's too late, no one wants me now that I want someone.

Karma's a bitch and she just slapped me